Free fall

A wild crescendo of grief 
ignites from deep within.
Alarmed, I see no obvious shelter
from this havoc and chaotic din.

No longer the sure footed woman 
who painstakingly conquered this place, 
I wobble, panic and then topple 
over this sudden, unseen precipice.

Now mid G force 8 of free fall,
parachute unopened in it's pack,
I'm hurtling towards the earth. 
Crikey, I'm going to hit it with a 'SMACK.' 

I search desperately for escape routes, 
not easy when panic and grief blur thought.
I gasp for air, squeezed from my lungs, 
perhaps in a huge cargo net I'll be caught!
 
I'm not sure how I came up with that, 
like a kid's cartoon on TV.
Maybe I'll not manage to reach the end, 
or perhaps there is a way to save me.

As I fall the cacophony grows louder,
wind whistling in my ears.
My shuddering sobs now accompanied 
by an overflowing river of tears. 

I feel so utterly despondent.
My thoughts are not controlled nor are they straight.
Except I know I don't want be pulverised,
that would not at all be great!

I cannot think my way out of this pickle. 
I must simply surrender to the test.
All I have I give to it
and I can only give my best.

Now my sobs diminish
and remarkably my descent begins to slow.
I fumble with my parachute,
pulling the release cord to let it go.

A jolt and then not quite so much terror 
above the hazy ground.
I open up my swollen eyes
to contemplate landing safe and sound.

If only crash mats and landing specialists 
appeared at each attack of personal despair,
it wouldn't be so hard to navigate
a free fall through the air.
 
This grief that's lodged inside me
is the cause of all this anguish
and to be quite frank, I'm fed up with it.
I'm sick of feeling rubbish.
 
I don't know how to get rid of it,
to free myself from pain.
It's a bloody noose around my neck,
a bloody ball and chain!
 
Sigh! At least I landed with dignity intact.
My best roly poly with a flourish in years.
And I suppose no real lasting damage done, 
except mild dehydration due to all those tears.

 

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